The belief that ‘’ African men are polygamous in nature’’ is an excuse that have often been used to justify the infidelity of menfolk in marriages in African societies. That Islam permits polygamy has further legitimized this belief in Muslim African societies by conferring on the men folk a sense entitlement to look outside their matrimonial homes for extra marital affairs under the guise of filling up the available spaces according to the wishes of God as contained in the Quran and the Sunnah [ prophetic traditions of Muhammad PBUH]. The convergence of culture and faith in Muslim Africa has elevated the practice of polygamy to an article of faith. Polygamy has become a matrimonial identity for men folk in Muslim Africa, which unfortunately have obscured the place of monogamy in Islam as practiced by the Holy Prophet Muhammad PBUH.
Completely orphaned at age six, Muhammad the son of Abdullah, was henceforth taken under the care of first Abdul Mutalib his grandfather and later upon his death by his most loving uncle Abu Talib. A chieftain of the Hashemite clan of the Quraish tribe of Mecca, Abu Talib was also a merchant who plied his trade along the Mecca-Damascus trade route. Aman of modest means but a large family to cater for, Abu Talib carried along his young nephew, Muhammad on his numerous trade trips in service of the richer caravan of the wealthier aristocrat, Khadija the daughter Khuwaylid of the clan of Asad of the tribe of Quraish. By this time, the reputation of the young Muhammad, notably of honesty, selflessness and truthfulness goes before him throughout the city of Mecca and among the Quraish of Arabia. In pre-Islamic Arabia, such virtues are rare among men. Khadija his employer, will soon notice these qualities and desire his companionship for life. At the time of their marriage, Khadija the bride was forty and Muhammad the groom was twenty five.
This union is one of unconditional love, which shattered artificial social barriers of differences in age, social status and material endowments. The story of Muhammad and Khadija is one of the world’s greatest love stories. The feeling of love, respect, care and submissiveness was mutual. Husband protected wife and wife supported husband. The messenger of God was reported to have said ’’God Almighty never granted me anyone better in this life than her. She accepted me when people rejected me; she believed in me when people doubted me; she shared her wealth with me when people deprived me; and Allah granted me children only through her’’. Upon attaining prophet hood, when the message of the most High God was delivered to him by the Angel Gabriel in cave Hira; trembling and shivering from the fright of the unusual encounter, it was in the loving and warm arms of Khadija that he found comfort and relief. When Muhammad eventually found his voice and coherently delivered the divine message, his first convert and believer in his divine apostolic mission was none other than Khadija, his one and only wife at the time.This untold aspect of the Prophet’s firstmatrimonial story has gone a long way to obscure the monogamous nature of the union of the marital union of Muhammad and Khadija.
The Sunnah of monogamy was clearly established by the Holy Prophet Muhammad in his first marriage to Khadija; his longest and most fruitful. They were married for twenty five years and she bore him six children; Qasim, Zainab, Ruqayya, UmmuKulthum, Fatima and Abdullah. Throughout, his first marriage to Khadija, Muhammad lived up to his reputation of honesty and truthfulness by maintaining unparalleled fidelity to his wife. The prophet only contracted other marriages after the death of his first wife. The earlier sunnah of monogamy of the Prophet, have been greatly obscured by his later sunnah of polygamy because the religious establishment in Muslim Africa have institutionalized polygamous marriage, which is culturally convenient, as more Islamic contrary to the practice of the Holy Prophet.
Neither monogamy nor polygamy is incumbent upon a Muslim man. None is more acceptable than the other in the sight of God. Both are permissible and are purely matters of choices, which are determined by individual preferences. However, the permissibility of polygamy unlike monogamy is attached with strident conditions as revealed in the following verses from the holy Quran ‘’ If ye fear that ye shall not be able to deal justly with the orphans, Marry women of your choice, Two or three or four; but if ye fear that ye shall not be able to deal justly (with them), then ONLY ONE, or (a captive) that your right hands possess, that will be more suitable, to prevent you from doing injustice’’. Justice in this instance is not only limited to the material but more importantly, emotional.
A critical look at the marital life and times of the Holy Prophet Muhammad reveals monogamy to be the rule while polygamy was the exception because the difficulty of his and every other man’s ability to ensure emotional justice among multiple marital partners. The case of the Prophet clearly showed Khadija was irreplaceable in his heart and while she lived no other woman caught his fancy. Chances were that he most probably would have lived a complete monogamous life if he had predeceased his wife, Khadija. If love is the basis of cohabitation, then the Holy Prophet Muhammad is a shining example of a loving and faithful husband of his first wife, Khadija throughout the duration of their monogamous marital union; an example that is most worthy of emulation.
Even in death, the Prophet continued to love Khadija and cherish every bit of their shared memories in such an open manner, that it left his later wives very jealous of the dead Khadija. Aisha was one of such wives. She narrated of Muhammed and Khadijah in SahihBukhari: “I did not feel jealous of any of the wives of the Prophet as much as I did of Khadijah though I did not see her, but the Prophet used to mention her very often, and whenever he slaughtered a sheep, he would cut its parts and send them to the women friends of Khadijah. When I sometimes said to him, “(You treat Khadijah in such a way) as if there is no woman on Earth except Khadijah,” he would say, “Khadijah was such-and-such, and from her I had children’’.” It is also narrated: The Messenger of Allah said: “The best of its women is Khadijah bint Khuwailid, and the best of its women is Maryam bint Imran’’. Clearly, even in death, the Prophet was not able to ensure emotional justice among his other wives because he loved Khadija exceedingly more than any other woman on earth. His love for Khadija is evidently responsible for their monogamous union because whereas twenty five years of his marital life with her was monogamous until she died, the remaining thirteen years of his marital saw the Prophet marrying as much as nine women mainly for political reasons of uniting the fledging Muslim ummah at the time and other reasons, none of which applies to Muslims. He also didn’t raise families with his later consorts.
Without prejudice to polygamy, the more entrenched sunnah of monogamy in the life of the Prophet of Islam should be emulated by African Muslims. Muslim Africa should reflect functional homes built on the solid foundations of unconditional love upon which families are raised as exemplified by Muhammad and Khadija. Muslim menfolk should rededicate their lives to loving their chosen spouses in honesty, truth and selfless manner in accordance with the sunnah of the Prophet of Islam. Muslims are expected to live more in accordance to the rule of Prophetic traditions of marriage [monogamy] and not the exception [polygamy]. This position is supported by some leading scholars of orthodox schools of jurisprudence. ImamAsh-Shaafi’i is of the view that it is desirable to confine oneself to marrying only one although it is permissible for him to marry more than one. This is to avoid being unfair by being more inclined to some of them than others, or being unable to financially support them. [al-Hawi al-Kabir 11/417]. In view of this realization there is a general decline in polygamy in the larger Muslim world with several Muslim nations have either banned polygamy or restrict its practices. Turkey and Tunisia are two Muslim countries that prohibit polygamy, while Egypt, Sudan and Kuwait among many other countries restrict its practice. The existing prevalent cases of dysfunctional homes, devoid of love and affection as a result of infidelity of some men who are taking the liberty of the permissibility of polygamy as a license to be unfaithful to their spouses under the guise of trying to fill up the available spaces in their lives, is as far from Islam as the moon is far from the sun. The family is the unit of society. To fix the numerous challenges of illiteracy, poverty, domestic violence and terrorism facing Muslim African societies, it is important to revive the Prophetic tradition of monogamous marriages built on the strong foundations of unconditional love and fidelity.
